If I could erase this day...

I wish I could forget this day...that I could erase it from the calender...and pretend it never happened...is it always gonna feel like this...is it always gonna hurt so much.. am I always gonna be afraid that this could happen again...

But i can't erase it.. trust me, I've tried! For r yrs I've tried...but it's no use...that day will always be a part of me...of who I was then and who I am now...who I've become since then....forever changed...

4 yrs ago I never thought we would get through this..or that life would ever get  back to
"normal"...but somehow it does.. .I'm not sure how...but somehow...and in the coming years I hope that I can write that this feeling has faded...so, until then.. .
Xoxo

Memories..

Today , its been 4 years since we got our first Plus ...4 yrs & I still remember  it like it was yesterday..how i felt...the happiness...the excitement...the love...
And even though that plus led to the most heart breaking, almost fatal outcome...it's a memory I long to relieve...that I yearn for...to see that plus again...to feel that excited & happy...to see that joy on my husband's face again...

"Grief isn't something you can go around..you have to barrel through it..that's the only way to start to heal "
- unknown